A Deacon, A Librarian, and a Really Well-Done Joke.

Today, August 10, the Church celebrates the Feast of St. Lawrence, one of the most beloved martyrs of the early Church — and a saint who apparently knew how to deliver a punchline even when he was being killed.

Lawrence was one of the seven deacons serving the Church in Rome during the third century. As a deacon, he was entrusted with caring for the Church’s material goods and, more importantly, with distributing assistance to the poor.

In the year 258, the Roman Emperor Valerian began a persecution of Christians. Pope Sixtus II and several other deacons were arrested and executed. According to tradition, Lawrence knew his own martyrdom would soon follow.

Roman authorities demanded that Lawrence turn over the treasures of the Church. Lawrence asked for a few days to gather them. That’s when he returned with the poor, the sick, widows, orphans, and others who depended upon the Church for care.

According to tradition, he told the emperor, “These are the treasures of the Church.”

It was an extraordinary act of faith and defiance — and clearly one that did not amuse the Romans nearly as much as it has inspired Christians ever since.

So, Lawrence was condemned to death.

Now, tradition holds that he was executed by being roasted alive on an iron grill. And this is where he delivered what may be one of the most famous last jokes in Christian history.

After enduring the flames for some time, he reportedly told his executioners something to the effect of, “Turn me over. I’m done on this side.”

Now, historians have debated the details of Lawrence’s martyrdom, including whether the famous gridiron story happened exactly as tradition remembers it. But the story has endured for centuries — and it certainly explains why St. Lawrence is, among other things, the patron saint of cooks and comedians.

Which, frankly, is one heck of a combination.

But Lawrence is also the patron saint of librarians.

That particular combination — a saint associated with books who also appreciated a good joke — immediately made me think of my friend Angela. If ever there were proof that God has a sense of humor about assigning patron saints, I submit this as evidence.

I’m a subscriber to Deacon Greg Kandra’s blog, A Deacon’s Bench. He wrote a book with several prayers for men who are discerning whether to pursue the diaconate as a vocation. For today’s feast, he came up with something that I think is pretty good:

Kind St. Lawrence,
You cared for the material goods of the Church, 
while showing great love for those cast aside — 
those in poverty and those who were sick, suffering, or forgotten.
These, you reminded the world, are the true treasures of the Church.
Guide my thoughts and prayers and actions so that I may treasure those whom others discard and be a servant to those in need.
Help me to see the dignity in every person I encounter — to defend the defenseless, 
give voice to the voiceless, 
and seek justice for those treated unjustly.
Be with me as I seek to help the poor, 
and inflame my heart with love for all God’s children.
Amen.

St. Lawrence, deacon and martyr, pray for us.

And Clock-Bananas, enjoy your patron saint.

Just maybe don’t take the whole “done on this side” thing as professional advice.