Today I ran my 3rd Detroit Half-Marathon.  Unlike the previous two years where I did the International Half (running across the Ambassador Bridge into Windsor, Ontario and back through the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel) I decided to run the US only Half.  I wanted to see what it was like to run Belle Isle and I’ve been told it was a faster course.  So while it’s not an apples to apples comparison, it will still do for the purposes of this blog.

Prior to today’s race, my fastest time in Detroit was 2:46:43 (about 12:38/mile) – in 2014.  Last year, I didn’t train all that well and ran 3:25:17 (15:19/mile).  This year, I was out of my mind and ran 2:37:48 – a PR for Detroit and only 19 minutes longer than my fastest 1/2 (which was in Grand Rapids in 2013).

As with all races, I had a number of non-sequitur thoughts that ran through my head as I ran.  This year, I decided to write them down shortly after the race so I could share them with y’all.  Ready for this crazy ride?

Good … here we go! Runner #30308 ready for take off!

Mile 1 – It is so good to find some of my Jaycee peeps here. Mariesa and Mandy are running their first 1/2. I’ve given them some good tips about GU and Sports Beans and water and Gatorade.  I’m sure they’re going to be fine!  The start line faces the Old Wayne County Administration building and I really wish they would do something good with that building. It’s a beautiful piece of architecture.

Mile 2 – I wonder if someday they’ll mess with the Gross Pointes by having us run all the way down to Jefferson just to say “Hi there! You uptight jerks!”

Mile 3 – Was that a rain drop?  Hey look, there’s a person wearing a Charlie Batch Lions jersey who seems to be at my pace.  Let’s follow them for a while.

Mile 4 – Well, it’s raining now … HARD! I think there are animals lining up by two’s!  I hope the trees in Indian Village will keep some of the rain out of my face.  CRAP! There are now two runners with the same Charlie Batch jersey and they’re not running together!  Which one is the one that I’m using to pace myself?  Crap … I’m gonna to have to look at their butts in order to tell which one is which (since they’re wearing different running tights).  I hope Niki won’t mind since they’re are female runners.  Frick … that was kinda Donald Trumpish of me to think.

Mile 4.25 – I’m glad I bought a runner’s hat yesterday at the Expo. I wonder if Niki had an idea how much I was going to buy there. It was more than last year (where I just bought GU) but hey … I needed the hat, and the fanny pack, and the GU, and the Sports Beans.  I probably would’ve bought the neat elliptical bike thing if I could have figured out how to get it home in a day.

Mile 4.35 – Seriously, is God sending us the second historical flood? There’s no rainbow so I guess there’s nothing to remind Him that he promised not to kill people by a flood anymore.

Mile 4.40 – I seriously think that’s an Ark over there!

Mile 4.65 – Did I just step in a puddle?

Mile 4.66 – Crap … I did!

Mile 4.70 – Crap … I did it again!  Where the hell is Charlie Batch in the black tights?

Mile 5.00 – This can’t be right. My watch says I just ran 5 miles in 52 minutes.  That’s way too fast for me and I haven’t hit a wall yet.  Either there’s something to this training before a race thing or I’m having an out of body experience.

Mile 5.25 – There’s that damn wall I was just thinking about.  Hey look over there, these people actually built a wall to run through with a sign “Break through that wall!”  Witty!

Mile 5.50 – I hope there’s a water station soon.  I need to hit some GU.  I think that’s one there.  Nope …it’s a beer station.  I’ll save that for later, no need to puke in Indian Village

Mile 5.75 – Leaving Indian Village now and there’s a water station.  Time to GU it up.  Which one should I go with? I bought Vanilla Bean and Mandarin Orange at the Expo.  Let’s go with the one I grab first.  Vanilla Bean it is.

Mile 5.85 – Vanilla Bean isn’t too bad.  Kinda tasty actually.  Almost to Belle Isle …that’s gonna be fun!

Mile 6.00 – Damn it! I stepped in another puddle!  Where the hell is Charlie Batch?!

Mile 6.50 – They said this bridge wasn’t supposed to be bad going up … and it’s not!  That’s a good sign. WHAT THE HELL!  I JUST GOT PASSED BY A PRIUS!!!

Mile 7.00 – Hey, I think I see Charlie Batch up ahead of me!  Time to catch up maybe.

Mile 7.50 – Well that was the dumbest thing I’ve done in a long time.  Why the hell would I think I could increase my pace without hurting myself?  My butt hurts now and I didn’t even fall.  What if someone is using me to pace themselves? Are they looking at my butt now and can they tell that I just crop dusted someone?

Mile 8.00 – Holy crap! The wind on the backside of Belle Isle is killing me.  Who’s idea was it to run on an island anyway? Just because I did run around Mackinac doesn’t make this right!  Time to change up my splits.  Let’s go with 1:30 runs/1:00 walks (was doing 2:00/1:00)

Mile 8.65 – Hey …it’s the finish line for the Detroit Grand Prix! Does the mean I can stop now?

Mile 9.00 – Why does this bridge seem worse than when I crossed it the first time.  Seriously, this thing is worse than the incline of the Mackinac Bridge. AND THERE’S THAT DAMN PRIUS AGAIN! I hate the Prius with their wee-bitty eyes and their electric faux engines.  Speaking of electric engines, I should look into buying a Tesla.

Mile 9.50 – Damn it, it’s pouring again and damn it, I just stepped another damn puddle! I hate puddles, with their wee-bitty eyes and their wetness getting in my shoes and socks!

Mile 10.00 – Hey the rain is stopping. Awesome!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! OMG it’s a billboard with a big ass picture of Todd Courser’s face on it!  That’s worse than a stupid clown. I think this is what Eric Roffe was talking about when he said he was sending some folks to help me run fast.  I hate you Papa Smurf!  Now I’ve got TRaddy stuck in my eyesight/mind!

Mile 11.00 – It’s the Riverwalk!  2 miles to go and this thing is frickin’ full of curves.  Wouldn’t be bad on a dry day … but I’ll try to take it easy now.  Speaking of easy, my legs are starting to cramp a little and it’s getting tough to breathe.  Let’s change the splits to :30/:30 and see if that gets me through. Better have more GU. 

Mile 11.50 – The Mandarin Orange GU is pretty good too! New favorite flavors I think!  Hey … I’ve caught up to Charlie Batch and it’s the right Charlie Batch! Maybe I’ll be able to hang for a while with her!  Nope …she just turned it up a notch.  So much for that pace!

Mile 11.75 – Yup … good bye Charlie! That 3rd wall just hit and now I want to cry a little.


Mile 12.20 – Just met a full marathoner who is struggling to get to the finish.  I’m gonna help her in for a little bit.

Mile 12.35 – Hey …she’s a Bronco! And the Broncos are 7-0! How do you like them apples!

Mile 12.40 – I hope they have apples at the end. That would be a tasty treat!

Mile 12.75 –  I wonder where Niki and C are? Hope they get a picture of me in good running form, not this limping thing I’m kinda doing.

Mile 12.80 – ANOTHER FRICKIN’ HILL! WHY WOULD YOU PUT A HILL TOWARDS THE END OF A HALF MARATHON!  Must be Coleman Young, Jr’s idea.  I’ll have to talk to Margaret about not giving him anymore cookies during session.

Mile 13.0 – Ok, probably not Coleman’s idea to put a hill here.  It is probably the Marquis D’lafayette … no more singing that part in Hamilton.  Hey … there’s Niki and C with C’s special sign! Should I tell them I crop dusted folks a few miles back?


Mile 13.05 – Time to sprint to the finish!

Mile 13.10 – Does that say 2:37 on the clock?  No way I ran that quick! Might have been a bad idea to sprint this last part … I really want to cry a little bit.  BUT HEY IT’S MY FASTEST TIME IN DETROIT!

Post Race – 50th Step – Dang, this medal seems heavier than last year.  AND THESE PRETZELS ARE THE BEST EVER!!!

Post race – 1,200th step – Time for a massage … BEST MASSAGE EVER!  Hey, what time is check out? Oh .. two hours ago … guess we better get going!

So yeah, my 3rd Detroit 1/2 Marathon was a pretty good time.  I’m already looking forward to next year’s which will be the 40th Anniversary! I’m sure there’ll be a truly funky awesome medal for that one.

Maybe I’ll talk C into running it with me.  Of course, I’m sure she’ll say that she’ll run it while sitting in the car that is driving next to me.  That will be fine as long as it’s not some stinkin’ Prius!

In the meantime, Runner #30308 is outta here!